~Waiting for the day~: 2009

5/13/09

~Fly away~

3 hours more to go...

I gonna leave Malaysia to Indonesia....

I dont feel any excitement tho...

Guess I've no heart to go...

Everyone is waiting for this trip to receive God's word

but I' totally different

Wonder why my heart is not with God anymore...

Wonder why i declare myself are free thinker.

I guess is true..Once a sinner cant get rid of their sin....

means there is no hope in it....

yeah..I'm the one...

i feel like last min cancel my trip....

dont feel like going....

just like to stay in Malaysia with my gang friends....

live some life thats normal and calm..

Chill....dont too rush.....

well....at last i also need to say Hi to INDONESIA.....

5/5/09

~Break~

yeah...finally my one week break

Hopefully in this week, I can manage to finish all my assignments...

and get prepared for my final exam..

My last second sem to go...

Must push myself harder to study, and get good result...

So i would be have much chances to get into better U

still wondering where should i continue my study...

leave here or stay here....

Just dont dare to be independent....

Love this type of lifestyle..

always been guide by leader, friends and even family...

Well....still got half a year to go..

just forget about it and continue my assignment...

5/1/09

~Dead~

hmm...Oh my....

I dont know what my mind thinking right now...looks like i have lots and sum of assignment to complete, but I didnt even take a look with it....

well...I keep slacking all the way .....

And the worst thing is I not even participating in any activities in church...

I have freaking plenty of times.. but i choose not to do...

What a tragedy....

Im start to backsliding man.....

I shall play my role now...rather than doing business...

Start back my life.....

if Not i will be like NOW....

THE TOPIC FOR TODAY IS

Now....Im dead

4/24/09

I dont think i can get out from my comfort zone
I dont think i can put down things that i love the most..
I love the way i am now...
I love the way i am....
No matter what...I just can tell "YOU"...just leave me go..
I dont think i can love you as you love me..
I dont think i can be the one you use...
I dont think i can sacrified like how you sacrified me
I just know I'm not belongs to this place...

~I like do things behind~

Dont bother my stuff...
I love to do what i want...
I like to enjoy....I like no one disturbing....
But why always you the one want to know what i doing??
I'm a girl needed someone to take away all my burden
I just need times to relax...
But why you always the one who know??
I just need to have my own privacy....
Cheat is because I just want no one knows what im doing...
i need privacy time for my own..
i dont like always check by people...
asking where am i, what im doing...or why not going to church..
is all because you all hold me too tight...

4/11/09

~The awesome day~

It was freaking awesome day...

Finally i get right myself back to GOD..

I obey what leader has said...

I turn myself back to His way...

The 1st time, i never been hear boy voice the whole day.

Though my heart is missing him...but my soul is keep praising God...

THANK GOD For letting me overcome every single problem...

God...I knew that you want me to get out from this relationship just to praise you.

I knew that....I will reposition myself right now...

and love you more than I love boy...

Your love is greater than anyone in this world...

I trust in You. You will lead my way...

and give me back the Holy Fire...

it was damn awesome...

The whole day, I been doing my assignment, stay at home praise Your name...

And went to church...

All i want is put You first....I believe through i scarified my love one....

You will blessed my future....

No one can take your place....

I must get right with all my friends....and those who beside me...

You guys are ROCKXX.....

4/7/09

~Friends~

Wow...such a long time never mention about friendship on here...
Now i realize, who is the one who really treat me well..
and who is the one who not...
Sometime too sensitive in a thing is not a good thing
try to put down....try to let go....
all i want back is just few little friends that really cares me....
that is You, You and You....

Just yesterday, we went out to Cheras to get some stuff..

Well...the feeling just like back to last time.

is so cool....out of sudden my tears just drip down.

I thought i can have a pretty cool wedding in 5 years time.

but now everything is under pending.

By the way, we just went out like a normal friends.

my heart missed those day so much..

when we walk, our hands will never separate.

do i still get the chance to go out with him again?

I hope i do so....

My mind keep thinking of something bad...

that not suppose to think of...

sigh.....the hurt is still crawling inside my heart.

I just pray that this feeling will blow away by a strong wind..

and my day will be brighten once again.

God....although my physical is very week...but my spiritually is very strong now.

Because I have spiritually husband (God), but physically I lost him....

I need both....can I ??

4/5/09

~The Revival Wind~

Pastor JayKoopman came to our church to give seminar and evangelistic event..

at first I thought this is just a normal pastor and normal evangelistic event

Never know, Pastor Jay has brought the Revival fire.

through this four days I've realize a lot of things through his preaching.

I always said, God will never forgive me again, God will never anoint me again.

Really Thank God that you brought Pastor Jay here...

When my spiritual down (that means i sin), I will always said I hate this church..

But now I realize that, all my thought is all wrong.

God send his son (Jay) to talk to me.

Now my heart is fully restore back the joys and grace.

I've been cheated by devil up side down.

Now once again I'm back again.

The fire inside my heart has started to burn back, is stir my heart back again.

And i just pray everyday and every night...

I just want my fire to keep burning and not light up again.

God...I just pray that through this week, "he" has also received your joy and love.

I believe.....

The fire inside his heart has burn up...

I trust in you..."he" will never be the same again....

God...I'm so sorry, I've been away from you for so darn long.

Now I'm back to your side...

I'm the one of the sheep that lost...

Now God you found me back....

I wont go away from you...and I stand firm in your heart..

I love you Daddy...My heavenly God...

3/29/09

~3rd day~

Finally i can get sleep all over the night...

Seriously need to thanks to pk and ying ying..

both of them saw me like this, their heart is pain..well i guess so...

so they came to my house and "tam" me sleep. just like a baby

in this hard time, i must go through it..

If not i afraid i just simply find a guy to fulfill my sadness..

well...pray hard it wont happen this day.

from today onwards, i start to take care of myself..

I want to continue back my life.

Because i trust, and i believe the last time in God...

"he" will stand up proudly in front of everyone.

I waiting for the day. This will be my dream.

Thats nothing i can do...I only can fast and pray...

just waiting for the day to come...

I believe 4 of us is the brave warrior of CYC..

There's no one can take away it.

Last night...

I called him ask about his password.

but i saw waiting call..

I very scare when the moment i saw his phone is on waiting call.

my mind started to think wrongly, and.........cried....

I chose not to call him anymore in the future..

sms will be nice...because i might not know he on phone with other girls or her.

this the only way to prevent me not to think so much.

the most memorable things that he wrote is

End of this year, he will not the same person anymore.

after he success in his studies and in God way..

he once again will chase me back.

well..that's all I can do is wait.

is true when after i came back from UK.

I dont know i still love him like now, or he still love me like now.

but i hope God will make a way.

I'll WAIT

3/28/09

~2nd day of pain~

The second day of pain....

I wonder why I still so stupid, every second, every min waiting for my phone to ring.

Why i get cheated by someone that so close with me and even 2 times?? this question is keep flowing...

The moment my eyes is close, picture of the scene came out again...

Automatically my tears will roll down, and start to curse...

I feel like I want to go away from this place as soon as possible.

My heart is afraid of the day come...when both of them pass by my front.

Really cant imagine...but anyway will bless or congrats, if that is the day.

But i can say that, it will be more suffer than now.

No mood to study, no mood to eat or even rest. ( just like what i am now)

Very tired, very pain, very hurt.... is hard to describe the feeling..

just feel like my future is hard to walk.

Yes...everyone telling me that God is with me...

So?? the physical is not here...

still got 20 more days to go...

I dont know what will happen between you and me...

do we still celebrate? do we still can eat in a same table? or is the other one eating with you?

No one knows....

Sigh..is very tired to forget everything..just hope i get an accident...and bang my head...

so i can lost all the memory in a min time.

This is what i hope for....hope i wont so stupid purposely go bang a tree..

3/27/09

~The end our story~

I always think, I'm the one is the most happy in this world..

I always think, I'm the one who has no worries in my future....

And I always believe that, everyone around us are admire my life...

Somehow everything has change out of sudden..

I always believe that "YOU CHANGED"

But you still the same....

This is just a dream...This is just my thought...

The feeling of hurt and pain, I cant describe....

There is nothing I can do now...The only thing is to pray for you...

Once a person step wrong, don't look back...move forward...

Because everything will change ....It wont be the same anymore..

Just fight for the future....and God will provide us the things that we want...

Time to put down everything, is a very heavy burden...

Although is suffer...but the burden that i carrying is more suffer than now.

Put down and move forward, walk the mountain.

We will never be the same again.

Let put a stop in our story...and put a the end on it...

This will be the first day of my life without the burden..

Hope i still can accept you as my friend..

3/26/09

~Need YOU~

God...When I'm alone, you must be with me...
I'm finding an answer from you...
I couldnt see infront the road...
I need someone to guide and to teach...
God my tears will never roll down...
Because I HAVE YOU..

~Dont Judge a book by its cover~

Finally is Thursday...

is the only day i have no class.

I'm Extremely bored NOW....No one at home, No entertainment and even no friends are free

so......to get some entertainment is to open my house fridge and look for food and drinks.

Just for the afternoon, I open the fridge more than ten times.

Ah HAR......I think of something...Is use egg to do facial mask....

Is the only thing to kill time and also can beauty up myself.

I prepared everything in 5 min; tie my hair and do a quick facial wash..

DADA ....is time to crack the egg into the bowl...

When the moment i open egg box, I saw all eggs are crack....

Stupid me went to called my mum, and yell and her....

And my mum laught at me in a very evil way..and she told me is a creative way of making jelly using egg shell..

Ish...damn ....

A kill time method GONE...and even get bluff by a box of stupid jelly egg shells

The moral value of the day is Dont Judge a Book by Its COVER...

What THE ............ DAY......

3/23/09

~Stupid faces in Hong Kong~

3/22/09

~Poem to my BELOVED FRIENDS~

The rain makes all things beautiful.

The grass and flowers too.

If rain makes all things beautiful

Why doesn't it rain on you?

Yeah....Rain on you so you will be more beautiful...

I wrote your name on sand it got washed.

I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.

then ~ I wrote your name on my heart

And I got a heart attack straight

I Die because of YOU

God saw me hungry, HE created pizza.
HE saw me thirsty, HE created Pepsi HE saw me in dark, HE created light
HE saw me without problems, HE created YOU.