~Heartbeat~

Yesterday I understand what's the meaning of LOVE...

You sang a song to me...This is kinda meaningful to me...

although is just a simple song...

I always imagine the way you hug me and sing song to me..

Looking at the sky, tears will flow out...

Miss you - my heartbeat taken away from you

........Everything will be end.......

想跟我吵架 我没那麽无聊

不懂得道歉 我没那麽聪明

好想要回到我们的原点

你又在哭泣 我给不了安慰我又在摇头

有那麽点後悔爱情的发展已

难以回头却无法往前走

但身不由己出现在胸口 两颗心能塞几个问号

爱让我们流多少眼泪

你的眼神充满美丽带走我的心跳

你的温柔如此靠近带走我的心跳

逆转时光到一开始 能不能给一秒

等着哪一天你也想起

那悬在记忆中的美好

English Lyrics

You want to argue with me.

Im not that bored.

I apologize without understanding.

Im not that bright.

I desire to go back to where we began.

You are crying again.

I fail to give you comfort.

Im shaking my head again (disapproving of my actions), thats that much regret.

Loves progression makes it already hard to turn back, but Im unable to move on.

My body still wont leave because of what is currently in my chest.

Two hearts can solve many problems.

How many tears has love made us shed?

Your eyes are brimming with beauty to carry away my heartbeat.

In this way, you draw closer to take away my heartbeat.

Time has turned back to the beginning. Can you give me a moment?

Im waiting for whatever day when you will also remember

That happiness hovering in your memories.

Wang Lee Hom

~Hari Raya Haji~

well...normally chinese not celebrating Haji...

But I need it...force to stay with family for the whole day long...

what a day dream

Thought can go out with family..

but SaD case...we having a family celebration ....

sigh.....Cant join you guys to chill out together ...

well..........

Happy Holiday...

And

Selamat Hari Raya Haji

Oh man...crap...I'm seriously broke....
I went to warehouse, boutique and shopping mall ~SHOPPING~
Cant deny the word Shopping...
is my Hobby...and my enemy...
I'm kinda hate shopping...it makes me broke....
by the way quite enjoy the moment when i holding your hand to walk shop by shop..

I like brand...I like cheap stuff...

Thats why

I like warehouse...

brands that I bought:
-Guess
-Gap
-Rouls
-Victoria's secret
-Addidas
-50% Roxy
-Esprit

It looks more than RM2000 receipts...
but too bad...I'm always get cheap stuff...(MEAN)
it only worth below RM1000
well...is a big sum amount of stock i bought...
is freaking cheap...
but now I'm freaking BROKE..
well...is time for me find job...instead of shopping..

~Over~

I'm learning, how to put down the things that I love..

A very very heavy burden carried for more than a year...

finally I stop my foot step to walk...

Is such a long and narrow path...

Sometime I really hope to find someone to hold my hand

but somehow cant really find the suitable one.

Well....Everything change starting from now...

I will be free

~L.O.V.E~??

When i only can jump out this circle??

I keep turn and turn...

I still cant managed to go out this circle....

well well well....Love is everything...

Sometime i have a wrong mind set....

Because of the word LOVE...

How to define Love?? how to keep our love refreshable every time??

well....I have a wrong definition for myself..

so end up now i suffered...

Die......

The day I fall into it once again....

10/11/2008-11/11/2008

Turn around

Wow....I found something new...

Is a place that I hope to go...

Where is it?? Is still a secret...

Start to count day by day

when is the time...

However still need to wait 300 more days

I really cant accept the fact in this place...

Everyone looks busy now...But i look free....

Running here and there...but I still standing...

Observing their life...

Found out no worries (except for church stuff)

Finally I FOUND SOMEONE... but end up she's not the one.

What a BULLSHIT word "FRIENDSHIP"

I still BELIEVE what she said...

END UP....EMO AGAIN

Turn around and restructure my heart....

~Let's start darling~

Just a new plan came out...
My next destination of study is at oversea...
When the night, I talked to him...
My faith started to swing ....
Sometime future can be predict ...
Story that can predict, is always turn up to be a bad result.
But
Who knows we will become a family...
well...sometime life is just like a snake game.
We never know after roll the dies, it turns up to be a good result or bad result...
now I playing a snake game, still wondering after i roll the dies, do it turns up to be a good result? or i just hold it ??
hmm...well sometime pray that miracle will happen..but sometime will also depends on fate.
is not about how good you maintain, is about how well you can endure...
Relationship is not an easy assignment to done well...
You need to go through the narrow ways, and also seek for HIS wisdom..
Only you can skip through all the holes.
Well......
Decision made...roll the dies
&
Lets the game begin...
Place our game into His hand..He shall shine our path...

~Camp turn me up~

Oh well... few weeks never blog...

by the way a lot of things happening in this period...

I guess this is the most cherish period in my life in church..

Came back from church camp last 2 week.

I joined game ministry, because lack of working member on it.

The whole camp, I never have the chance to play with my friends or even my group member

From the day till the night, every game team members busy by prepared stuff, and meeting

Never aspect no rest for me, exhausted...

Is Super Freaking TIRED...

Just recall back, actually game ministry is kinda fun though..

I've learned a lot of things through this camp.

Is a good experience for me to train up to be an independent girl...

Thank God...although the whole camp is busying by running here and there, but I felt the Holy Spirit is with me and filled the whole camp place.

In this camp, I cried, I suffered but no one knows...

Whatever you did in this camp, no one noticed you, only God

anyways Camp has pass...still got next stage to climb.

Day by day, I slowly will be train up

camp ROCK my life. & turn me up..!

World and Him

Midnight again....

who knows that I'm still staying up here crying out for help..No one...

Today i realized that what kind of people I am...

I love relax.. hated under control by someone else...

Cant imagine I can endure for so long in that situation..

Always question by people...Have you try this or that before? I guess you know what i meant...

Try to follow the wind blow...but always left out...

Hope to walk beside them, unfortunately I need to run

Whenever a conversation open, lie will come out from my mouth.

Everyday stretch my head just to think a joke out

Faces gonna take down because

World not equal to me

but He = Me........

~new born baby~

Life experience...

a day in secondary school...We mentioned bout religion stuff...
I face a girl (stubborn girl) that i never ever met ...

I started to explain the meaning of christian...

well...unfortunately discussion turn up to be argument ...

From the day onwards, i give up myself talked to her..

though we are best friend.

just a flip eye....we graduated....never thought of we will met often...

at first felt exhausted spread the gospel to her...but God got his plan...

Our church organized an adventure camp...and through this camp...she committed in our church.

and even she accepted Christ and GET BAPTIZE in last Sunday...

God make a way for her...I trust in the Lord that God will have a plan in every single person...

her testimony brought up my Faith ...it told me that how bad you are...God will change you...

From the stubborn, boyish, ruddy person have changed...

never aspect...never give a thought of it....

Whenever she give testimony ...my tears will always drop because her life give me a big impact to me...

Lastly I really thousand thank God that He saved her life..

she is part of my back bones...without of her support, my life might be miserable..

This gift from her is priceless...the most precious gift that she gave to me is standing infornt of hundred people and gave out her testimony...

Love you Kee....a new born baby girl...

~I guess~

Is the final countdown for my assignment...
Praise the Lord ...I left 2 assignments to go...
paper works drive me out of this world
Finally I have time to take a nap...
While i on my bed, mind are start to functioning...
(thinking) During this stress week...
I found out that my mood turn badly towards everyone, even though my closer friends.
Round and round, back to the question...am I really changed to the other person? (questioning myself)
well......I guess so...
oppsss...things just happened without any realize...
People around me are enduring the hurting from me..
usually the ME will make an apologize, but the ME now is getting evil..
I guess a cup of glass broken, no 1 can stick it back like an original cup.
even though a tore paper.
No doubt their feelings just same as that.
Is time for me to come out from my little paradise
BECAUSE The wonderful land of mine are control by the evil.
the time reached...I got to turn out myself and back to the normal.

~Screw up~

I have no idea what I'm thinking now...
I just know i freaking screw up with my problem now..
Feel like crying away now..
No 1 understand me...
I freaking sad of my life now...
I hate people that taken my road, or even blocked my path..
Still stick to my thought...
Isolate is the BEST....
By the way these few days i freaking EMO...
no idea what is my problem...!!
SCREW UP

~ 1 Year~

DAH DAH.....Happy Birthday toooooooooo US......
Just a turn...our relationship has fully turns up 1 year old....
This relationship is born at 09/10/2007 (4 something in the evening)
so I chosen this time to blog...though is a morning now...but well....still 4 something.
What a mess up...
from enemy become couple...
from a different characters blend together..
Well...how we get started...??
The first place we met up...
(midvally arcade planet) what a nice dating place...
The first time we shared problem...
While he fell in love with my pet sister...and I fell in love with his best buddy..
The funny part is we got a mess in our characters...
We have an exchange our sex...
I'm a tomboy, and he is a sissy boy...
He called me brother and I called him as sister...
But now...
Darling & Baby
What a wonderful story...
I just keeping up my faith that our relationship will never ends...
To Darling:
My love buried in your heart...
Everyday I sleep in the silent, just wait you to say I love you...
I keep myself in the dark, cause I want you to brighten my life
Walk in the narrow path, just to let you hold me tide
Clipped my wings up, so i wont fly away from you.
Counting day by day, just to wait you to say "Can you married me?"
Doodling all the time, to pretend that I'm paying attention in class, but is actually missing you.
Love to be lost...so you always will by my side...
Hope to see stars, so I can make a lot of wishes for you.
DARLING
I love you tomorrow
I love you today
I love you FOREVER AND FOREVER ALWAYS....
We will be the sweet VALENTINE

Click this video....Is the song that i want to dedicate to you...!!

~Pass~

opssie.....I'm 19 this year....

well...though i live in this world for 19 years...

but what I've done in the pass was a mess...

After this year is my no longer of teenager age..

Every year also get to celebrate my birthday with different kind surprise...

I was wondering...after my no longer teen age year do i still remain this kind of sweet memory birthday?

Do it still maintain to have this kind of celebration?? *ponder & ponder*

We will never knows what is happening in front of you...

precious every moment that you have...

although is a small little tiny surprise or present...

I must learn to be appreciate...

Because i always thought of there is one day .....Friends will go away from you...

Day by day....everyone are stepping out to a social world...

People are changing to be cruel in anywhere...

There are no more innocent mind set or even a pure talk..

However....I found a gang of friends that's always never CHANGE...

Pour out their little pure heart just to stay by your side...

they are ....(I wont mention)....

Their love is uncondition...

without any benefit....

They love me when I'm unlovable...

Hug me when I'm unhuggable...

Bear me when I'm unbearable...

Dance when I got my good news...

Cry cause i crying there...(Ashley experience)

Some people just come into my life and go away quietly...

But

"Their" footprints has printed inside my heart...

and you never saw a exit footprints there...

you can see clearly their footprints just like a circle...

No beginning and no END....

Shall i say THANK YOU to them??

NOpe...cause the word Thanks are not in their dictionary anymore...

I Hope I can...

Give you a sea...(so our love just like a sea wave will never stop)

If you leaving...

Give you a house in heaven... (so I know where you staying in the future)

Memorable 19's birthday

~wondering~

sometime you need to blend yourself in a gang, you only manage to get in a gang..

I wondering, if i never use those stupid skills, do you think I still exist in this world?

Somehow you need to change yourself to be like a bitch only you get the attention.

Can i say that as a conclusion?

A girl that i never thought of will became like this...

She tried to blend herself with a bunch of friends, and leave her family.

Now I only realized that you cant have many things in your hand, either you abandon your family, relationship, studies or your friends.

Freaking sick of solving these kind of problems.

Isolate is the best or else find some easy come easy go friends.

This may not hurt you more. However you in a gang you may get more hurts man..

Am I right??

~up and down~

wihtin 1 week time...
i went to a lots of places and even have lots of fun with bunch of friends..
Few sets of album of pictures that i havent upload....(too many to upload)
It looks so fun in this week...
But in the end, I only unhappy is all because of the relationship between me and Him...
5 days gone...I never talk to Him or even find Him...
I still dont dare to face Him....but i would like to say I miss You....
I wonder are You looking at me now...or get mad on me...
just to say Sorry...hope is not too late to apologize....!

~is too late~

Just pass 1 hour, 4 .30 in the midnight....No different....Still staying up in front my laptop.

Half way doing my assignment....I heard this song....Is too late to apologize..

well...though this is a hitz song in last few months, i heard more than 5 times in a day...

feel bored toward this song...but just for this moment, this song make me remember Him...

I have no idea why i scare of the word too late...well...I though i said i wanted Him to leave me...or even abandon me....but why i still worry bout this?? I afraid that He will say to me Is too late for you to apologize to me...Is too late...Gosh...this sentence really stir me up ...!! I dont know what I'm waiting right now but I afraid too face Him now so i chose not too...well...I'll make a promise to myself and my Darling....Give me sometime to overcome myself, I dont want to live in 3D life anymore...(well...only my church member knew what I'm talking right now) after i overcome it...I only come back to Him.. I hope it wont too late....I not using myself to overcome, I knew He gave me the authority to FIght with it, but I never make use of it. Just give me sometime.....I knew You just right beside me now, just to say sorry to you, I still dont dare to face you, I knew You see what i wrote here. Give me sometime to face You back...

~Far away~

Is already 3.30 in the midnight... I still staying up in front my laptop

Out of a sudden, I wondering what I'm doing throughout the week

I felt sorry to Him, I've been never find Him and even ignore Him.

I started to far away from Him, I just felt empty now.

Every time wanted to close with Him, but my heart dont seem want to sacrifice the time for Him, I rather choose to find Darling.

Now i realise that, I'm totally living in this world. It was so wonderful and relax.

I can't face Him, I really can't ...is impossible for me.

Sometime i think of Him, My tears fall down with no reason.

I dont really believe that is His touched even though till now.

What's the problem??

The only problem is I want Him to leave me and just put me down.

"He" so called my important "person" in my life, but I cant do what he want me to do

I even love to do the things He dont like or even hate.

What a joke for me....

I knew He still waiting for me to go back to Him, but i chose not too..

If there a chance for me to choose, I rather I dont know Him...

And start to know Him all over again...Just like the first time I met Him.

It was so cool..sometime feel like press the restart button in our life.

Do this restart button exist in our life??

While I turn back my head and take a look in my life, I saw a lots holes and darkness...

Been calculating how many holes over there...(I guess cant finish calculate)

sick of writing so many stuff over here...

By the way feel like saying a sentence to Him... ( I miss You)

Isn't that a bit of a contradiction??

~College camp~

ROck .....

Never expected this camp was so fun and relax..

It was awesome...

cant make a comparison within the last year camp.

Let's move on bout our college camp

The first day, after we reached, we separated to 4 groups, there are Red,Blue,Yellow and Green

randomly chose by the trainer.

I was chosen in a Blue team...I felt I'm lost, I didn't have any close friends.

but after few min later, i get to blend with them. BLUE TEAM ROCKXX MAN

Tho I'm new with them, but is so damn fun sticking up with the senior.

Even though we never talk in college , but we still worked in a team successfully.

Come to the next day, is the most fun day in this camp man..

after our breakfast, we have a telematch.

Damn man...I love the trainer, he got the idea man...

the games was absolutely fun. It was the water telematch.

We used chairs to cross over the swimming pool, pass balloon and toss balloon using tower

And the winner for the telematch is Blue team.. (my team)

Losers team get punishment by us (thew balloon )

This was the fun part man...

After this, we also have a ping pong balls grabing time.

Trainer threw hundred of ping pong balls in the pool, and everyone jump in and grab.

Winner...of cause BLUE team..

Just right after the game....everyone took off their shirt and jump into the pool and swam.

I love Life College people man....everyone are so open .....

It was awesome....Freaking relaxing ...

When during at night...we also have a devotion and prayer meeting section, Man....tho I'm in a camp, but we still can have a devotion time. Excellent....GOd is GREAT...

In the midnight, we played "snap" cards. Loser punishment is to jump into the swimming pool. That time was 2 something in the morning, 2 guys lose in the end. This show girls are more nimble than guys. lolx...!!

Man....I couldn't say this camp is the perfect camp, but to me i have no complain towards it.

~japanese dinne timer~

Say hi to Japanese dinner....

well...after my CG outing...i planned to follow my family to have Japanese dinner

Opss...apologize for abandon my Cg friends...However i never regret followed my family

Well...though i been here for few times...but I never get bored towards the food

The reason why is because their food have the standard thats why 80% of their customer are Japanese.

This restaurant is just right inside the Japanese club.

Gosh...delicious....by the way i dont really likes the environment.

is kinda noisy, and i have no idea what are they talking.

~Japanese food ROCK MAN~