World and Him

Midnight again....

who knows that I'm still staying up here crying out for help..No one...

Today i realized that what kind of people I am...

I love relax.. hated under control by someone else...

Cant imagine I can endure for so long in that situation..

Always question by people...Have you try this or that before? I guess you know what i meant...

Try to follow the wind blow...but always left out...

Hope to walk beside them, unfortunately I need to run

Whenever a conversation open, lie will come out from my mouth.

Everyday stretch my head just to think a joke out

Faces gonna take down because

World not equal to me

but He = Me........

~new born baby~

Life experience...

a day in secondary school...We mentioned bout religion stuff...
I face a girl (stubborn girl) that i never ever met ...

I started to explain the meaning of christian...

well...unfortunately discussion turn up to be argument ...

From the day onwards, i give up myself talked to her..

though we are best friend.

just a flip eye....we graduated....never thought of we will met often...

at first felt exhausted spread the gospel to her...but God got his plan...

Our church organized an adventure camp...and through this camp...she committed in our church.

and even she accepted Christ and GET BAPTIZE in last Sunday...

God make a way for her...I trust in the Lord that God will have a plan in every single person...

her testimony brought up my Faith ...it told me that how bad you are...God will change you...

From the stubborn, boyish, ruddy person have changed...

never aspect...never give a thought of it....

Whenever she give testimony ...my tears will always drop because her life give me a big impact to me...

Lastly I really thousand thank God that He saved her life..

she is part of my back bones...without of her support, my life might be miserable..

This gift from her is priceless...the most precious gift that she gave to me is standing infornt of hundred people and gave out her testimony...

Love you Kee....a new born baby girl...

~I guess~

Is the final countdown for my assignment...
Praise the Lord ...I left 2 assignments to go...
paper works drive me out of this world
Finally I have time to take a nap...
While i on my bed, mind are start to functioning...
(thinking) During this stress week...
I found out that my mood turn badly towards everyone, even though my closer friends.
Round and round, back to the question...am I really changed to the other person? (questioning myself)
well......I guess so...
oppsss...things just happened without any realize...
People around me are enduring the hurting from me..
usually the ME will make an apologize, but the ME now is getting evil..
I guess a cup of glass broken, no 1 can stick it back like an original cup.
even though a tore paper.
No doubt their feelings just same as that.
Is time for me to come out from my little paradise
BECAUSE The wonderful land of mine are control by the evil.
the time reached...I got to turn out myself and back to the normal.

~Screw up~

I have no idea what I'm thinking now...
I just know i freaking screw up with my problem now..
Feel like crying away now..
No 1 understand me...
I freaking sad of my life now...
I hate people that taken my road, or even blocked my path..
Still stick to my thought...
Isolate is the BEST....
By the way these few days i freaking EMO...
no idea what is my problem...!!
SCREW UP

~ 1 Year~

DAH DAH.....Happy Birthday toooooooooo US......
Just a turn...our relationship has fully turns up 1 year old....
This relationship is born at 09/10/2007 (4 something in the evening)
so I chosen this time to blog...though is a morning now...but well....still 4 something.
What a mess up...
from enemy become couple...
from a different characters blend together..
Well...how we get started...??
The first place we met up...
(midvally arcade planet) what a nice dating place...
The first time we shared problem...
While he fell in love with my pet sister...and I fell in love with his best buddy..
The funny part is we got a mess in our characters...
We have an exchange our sex...
I'm a tomboy, and he is a sissy boy...
He called me brother and I called him as sister...
But now...
Darling & Baby
What a wonderful story...
I just keeping up my faith that our relationship will never ends...
To Darling:
My love buried in your heart...
Everyday I sleep in the silent, just wait you to say I love you...
I keep myself in the dark, cause I want you to brighten my life
Walk in the narrow path, just to let you hold me tide
Clipped my wings up, so i wont fly away from you.
Counting day by day, just to wait you to say "Can you married me?"
Doodling all the time, to pretend that I'm paying attention in class, but is actually missing you.
Love to be lost...so you always will by my side...
Hope to see stars, so I can make a lot of wishes for you.
DARLING
I love you tomorrow
I love you today
I love you FOREVER AND FOREVER ALWAYS....
We will be the sweet VALENTINE

Click this video....Is the song that i want to dedicate to you...!!

~Pass~

opssie.....I'm 19 this year....

well...though i live in this world for 19 years...

but what I've done in the pass was a mess...

After this year is my no longer of teenager age..

Every year also get to celebrate my birthday with different kind surprise...

I was wondering...after my no longer teen age year do i still remain this kind of sweet memory birthday?

Do it still maintain to have this kind of celebration?? *ponder & ponder*

We will never knows what is happening in front of you...

precious every moment that you have...

although is a small little tiny surprise or present...

I must learn to be appreciate...

Because i always thought of there is one day .....Friends will go away from you...

Day by day....everyone are stepping out to a social world...

People are changing to be cruel in anywhere...

There are no more innocent mind set or even a pure talk..

However....I found a gang of friends that's always never CHANGE...

Pour out their little pure heart just to stay by your side...

they are ....(I wont mention)....

Their love is uncondition...

without any benefit....

They love me when I'm unlovable...

Hug me when I'm unhuggable...

Bear me when I'm unbearable...

Dance when I got my good news...

Cry cause i crying there...(Ashley experience)

Some people just come into my life and go away quietly...

But

"Their" footprints has printed inside my heart...

and you never saw a exit footprints there...

you can see clearly their footprints just like a circle...

No beginning and no END....

Shall i say THANK YOU to them??

NOpe...cause the word Thanks are not in their dictionary anymore...

I Hope I can...

Give you a sea...(so our love just like a sea wave will never stop)

If you leaving...

Give you a house in heaven... (so I know where you staying in the future)

Memorable 19's birthday

~wondering~

sometime you need to blend yourself in a gang, you only manage to get in a gang..

I wondering, if i never use those stupid skills, do you think I still exist in this world?

Somehow you need to change yourself to be like a bitch only you get the attention.

Can i say that as a conclusion?

A girl that i never thought of will became like this...

She tried to blend herself with a bunch of friends, and leave her family.

Now I only realized that you cant have many things in your hand, either you abandon your family, relationship, studies or your friends.

Freaking sick of solving these kind of problems.

Isolate is the best or else find some easy come easy go friends.

This may not hurt you more. However you in a gang you may get more hurts man..

Am I right??

~up and down~

wihtin 1 week time...
i went to a lots of places and even have lots of fun with bunch of friends..
Few sets of album of pictures that i havent upload....(too many to upload)
It looks so fun in this week...
But in the end, I only unhappy is all because of the relationship between me and Him...
5 days gone...I never talk to Him or even find Him...
I still dont dare to face Him....but i would like to say I miss You....
I wonder are You looking at me now...or get mad on me...
just to say Sorry...hope is not too late to apologize....!

~is too late~

Just pass 1 hour, 4 .30 in the midnight....No different....Still staying up in front my laptop.

Half way doing my assignment....I heard this song....Is too late to apologize..

well...though this is a hitz song in last few months, i heard more than 5 times in a day...

feel bored toward this song...but just for this moment, this song make me remember Him...

I have no idea why i scare of the word too late...well...I though i said i wanted Him to leave me...or even abandon me....but why i still worry bout this?? I afraid that He will say to me Is too late for you to apologize to me...Is too late...Gosh...this sentence really stir me up ...!! I dont know what I'm waiting right now but I afraid too face Him now so i chose not too...well...I'll make a promise to myself and my Darling....Give me sometime to overcome myself, I dont want to live in 3D life anymore...(well...only my church member knew what I'm talking right now) after i overcome it...I only come back to Him.. I hope it wont too late....I not using myself to overcome, I knew He gave me the authority to FIght with it, but I never make use of it. Just give me sometime.....I knew You just right beside me now, just to say sorry to you, I still dont dare to face you, I knew You see what i wrote here. Give me sometime to face You back...

~Far away~

Is already 3.30 in the midnight... I still staying up in front my laptop

Out of a sudden, I wondering what I'm doing throughout the week

I felt sorry to Him, I've been never find Him and even ignore Him.

I started to far away from Him, I just felt empty now.

Every time wanted to close with Him, but my heart dont seem want to sacrifice the time for Him, I rather choose to find Darling.

Now i realise that, I'm totally living in this world. It was so wonderful and relax.

I can't face Him, I really can't ...is impossible for me.

Sometime i think of Him, My tears fall down with no reason.

I dont really believe that is His touched even though till now.

What's the problem??

The only problem is I want Him to leave me and just put me down.

"He" so called my important "person" in my life, but I cant do what he want me to do

I even love to do the things He dont like or even hate.

What a joke for me....

I knew He still waiting for me to go back to Him, but i chose not too..

If there a chance for me to choose, I rather I dont know Him...

And start to know Him all over again...Just like the first time I met Him.

It was so cool..sometime feel like press the restart button in our life.

Do this restart button exist in our life??

While I turn back my head and take a look in my life, I saw a lots holes and darkness...

Been calculating how many holes over there...(I guess cant finish calculate)

sick of writing so many stuff over here...

By the way feel like saying a sentence to Him... ( I miss You)

Isn't that a bit of a contradiction??